Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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