Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
