I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
