the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
