Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
