i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
