god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
