I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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