There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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