I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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