Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are the jesus of drinking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
