'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize