So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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