That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
