Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
