The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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