I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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