Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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