i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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