oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize