I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
