You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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