you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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