Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
