I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
