Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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