the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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