Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
