wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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