if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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