When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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