I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
