they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
