no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
