omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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