Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
