when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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