There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
