I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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