Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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