Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
