he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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