Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
