I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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