I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
