I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
