hotel room ftw
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize