HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
