just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
