wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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