Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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