I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
