My room smells like vodka and shame
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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