I cockslap morals
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
