I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
