Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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