wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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