i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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