its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize