I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize