Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
