i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
