i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
