did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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