we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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